haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
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Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
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Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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