dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
