And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
