party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
