Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
