Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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