Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
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I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
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saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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