How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
