Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
