First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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