Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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