He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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