he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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