i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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