I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
