here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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