I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
