She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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