You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
