he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Never underestimate the power of titties
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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