So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
