when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
