I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
