Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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