Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
