do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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