I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
