You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
