i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
