I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
