you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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