Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
