Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
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VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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