I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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