Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
