the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
