So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
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My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
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At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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