I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
