Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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