I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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