did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
