Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
