And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
