so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
