Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
