Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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