doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
dude i'm inner monologue high
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize