My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
