How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
