One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
