I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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