Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize