it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
