My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
