Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
