Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
