the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
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Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
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It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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