Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
