I hate your face
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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