so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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