Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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