Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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