We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
