Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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