It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
