There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
