Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
