I'm drive I can fine osifer
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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