I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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