In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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