my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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