I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
