but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
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she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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